Self reflection

Try naming some of the qualities of your free, spontaneous self.

For example, here are some of my authentic qualities: outgoing, welcoming, encouraging, inviting, open-minded, creative and expressive.

However, in my history I was shamed for many of these qualities. I was taught that I was too much; that my personality was too big. It made others around me uncomfortable. My natural light was too bright for my adoptive parents. I was different than them.

Therefore, throughout the years I have struggled to accept and step into my deepest and true nature. For example, on a scale of outgoingness I am at the very high end. I have slowly learned to enjoy and embrace this aspect of myself. And, as I have aged, I have learned how to monitor my energy by paying attention to social and cultural clues. Many are still intimidated by my strong personality qualities. I now understand that there will always be someone who is put off or uncomfortable with some of my innate personality traits. I am much more accepting of this truth now.

Most important is to identify and take ownership of your authentic qualities.

If you are not clear, I encourage you to take time to learn about these aspects. Living through the lens of others’ views of you is daunting and can lead to depression and hopelessness.

We have all heard that the truth will set us free. I believe this is very true in this case. Pretending to be who you believe others want you to be is taxing. Wake up to your innate, natural self. Without this self-awareness, I don’t believe you truly can be happy and free. You may have similarities to others, yet you are uniquely you! I encourage you to discover and embrace your own special self.

ACCEPT THE AUTHENTIC ME OR NO DEAL

Next, surround yourself with others that accept, embrace and love you for your authentic self. Examine your most significant relationships. Is your authentic self encouraged, accepted, appreciated and celebrated by these people? Or do you often feel put down, shamed or judged? Do you tend to adjust yourself by trying to accommodate the other person so they will accept you? This person could be your partner, parent, sibling etc. In effect, you are basically denying and shaming your essence. If this continues for too long you may forget who you really are.

Burying your authentic self is a form of self-abuse. This self-denial and neglect often cause one to feel depressed.

I encourage you to save yourself. Start remembering who you really are. If you don’t know, get some help. As you dig your true self out from the grave you will come back to life. Then slowly you can figure out how to be your genuine self in your relationships.

If you find that being who you really are with those closest to you brings great fear, that is normal. Seek support from wise people who can help you begin to take risks and set boundaries in your relationships.

Never dim your light for someone else. Your light not only blesses others, it ignites your soul! Shine your brightest!

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